The Crazy Mom

My mother often talks about how blissfully ignorant she was when she had her babies. Sure, she read a few books, but mostly relied on my grandmother and her elderly neighbors when it came to deciding how to parent. Parenting was learned from trial and error for the most part.

But now, a new breed of mother has developed that I like to call “The Crazy Mom”. The Crazy Mom asks everyone that touches her baby to use hand sanitizer (something I gave up on in less than a month). She wipes down every inch of her house and keeps a dust free environment. She wipes her baby’s hands fifty times a day and bleaches every toy the baby touches on a regular basis. She doesn’t use a crib bumper and has one of those monitors that will beep if the baby stops breathing. She never misses a day of her prenatal vitamins, drinks three gallons of water to keep up her milk production, and makes sure she has a daily update on SIDS recommendations sent to her email.

I can’t stand The Crazy Mom. The worst part about her is, she thinks she’s right about everything. She thinks if you aren’t doing these things to protect your baby, you are an unfit parent and your children need to be confiscated by child services.

I met a mother of twins in the mall the other day, and she had a really great attitude when it came to mothering. She confessed that she never got her kids’ car seats checked, uses blankets in their cribs, and (the mother of all sins) didn’t even read What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She said that she just watches her kids closely and generally doesn’t want them to die. I have confidence that her twins will survive until adulthood.

So to all you Crazy Moms out there, I understand, I really do. Keep doing what you’re doing, but keep it to yourself. It really will be okay if I don’t boil Jane’s binks for five minutes every day, or dust my bookshelves. Just sayin.